Feel the burn.

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Three days ago (on a Tuesday actually, because who really starts things on Mondays?  Mondays equal failure,) I decided to get into some sort of exercise regimen – or at least something resembling exercise.  I state it as such because it’s been literally six months since I’ve exercised on a regular basis and my body — rightfully so — is rebelling against any form of movement that causes stretching, burning, or general pain.

The routine is off to a slow start and after three days of attempted fitness I realize what I really need is an oil can so I can lubricate my once flexible but now oh-so-creaky joints.

Lube me up and call me fit...

I’m starting off slow by doing 15 minute sessions of yoga in the morning before work (look Ma!  I feel refreshed and stretched!), and by power walking with my dog for an hour in the evenings, during which said workout my vocal cords are also getting a workout of their own (No, Mary Jane! No! NO! SIT! Slow down!).

Nothing beats a workout buddy...

I attempted a little kettle bell workout and it was more than adequate in getting me sore enough to feel productive with my body.  I also attempted a session on one of my mother’s most awkward impulse purchases, the Ab Circle Pro; a noisy assemblage of plastic, steel, wheels. That’s pretty much all there is to the Ab Circle Pro.  You place your knees on the cushy knee pads, grab onto the handle bars and swing your body from left to right and vice versa – kind of like a pendulum.  Oh the swinging fun those abs are having!

Also known as a modern torture machine.

I call it the Circle of Burned Vision, because once you see your mother attempt to do the inner thigh exercise on this piece of “machinery”, well, there’s no going back to the person you used to be.  Picture your mother “in position” on the machine.  Got it?  Good…good…Now, imagine she’s spreading her legs wide apart as if each knee is trying to reach its corresponding handlebar.  And you’re watching this from the back.  Don’t turn away!  Be strong.  You can survive this.  So yeah, I think the Ab Circle Pro has earned that nickname, fair and square.

I’m going to stay optimistic that this little bit of exercise that I do every day will help me regain my strength and muscle tone, and hopefully I’ll look better in a bikini come next summer.  My ultimate goal is to be able get through five breaths of this yoga position:

What has two thumbs and is muy loco for wanting to master this? Me!

Right now I can’t even get my toes off the ground.  But damn it, I will get there. I can do it! I will do it!  Who wants to hold me accountable?

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About Voula (http://expatuncensored.com)

I'm a 31-year old woman living in beautiful Nafplio, Greece for the past two years. I was born and raised in the San Francisco Bay Area and lived there up until the big move two years ago. Lets just say I'm an Oak-town girl at heart. I'm also a Greek girl at heart. And so that's a challenge. My brain may live in Greece but it still thinks in English - it makes things very interesting. I live with my younger brother in our parent's house in Nafplio and four months out of the year we revert back to teenagers when my parents visit the homeland for the summer. Talk about a life-altering situation. I also have a younger sister who is newly married and newly pregnant. We all look normal from the outside, but just like any family, we have our internal craziness going on. I work seasonally at a seaside hotel in Tolo, Greece. By "seasonally"I mean I work May-October and I sit on my fancy little butt the rest of the year. It is, as we would say in California, a pretty sweet gig. I try not to take things too seriously, I don't have too much patience for ridiculous people who try to dictate your life. I like quiet, I've never been much of a party girl and really am in awe of people who can just go go go without ever stopping to take a breather. I started this blog as a creative outlet for me to vent, express, observe, share, and perhaps even over-share (as I'm prone to do). Hopefully it will amuse you, interest you, or at the very least make you thank the Heavens that your mind isn't as twisted as mine.

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