Daily Archives: September 14, 2010

Stones and sausages.


I had surgery a little over a month ago.  Apparently my gallbladder was at a breaking point and had grown to the size of a stomach from the sheer amount of gallbladder stones.  The doctor said he had seen stones as big as mine in 80-year-old men, but never in a person as young as me – I had an overachieving gallbladder, apparently. The picture below tells the story of my stones pretty well…up top is an average size stone (I had about 100 of these babies).  Below there are four monster stones that were also partying in my gallbladder.  They are literally these big black rocks, bigger than a two-euro coin. They don’t break, they clink when I tap them against the counter…they are quite unbelievable.

Now, if they could only sing "Satisfaction"...

I contemplated shining them and using them as decoration stones.  I also thought I could turn them into a necklace.  My friend Mike, bless his heart, happily suggested I turn them into anal beads.  For now they are happily sitting in a jar on my kitchen shelf.

I lost 10 lbs. the week before my gallbladder surgery because there was enough inflammation to cause extreme pain whenever I ate or drank anything.  Since I’ve been gallbladder-free my appetite is back.  And it’s back with a vengeance.  I gained back the 10 lbs. I lost and I think I might have gained maybe 4-5 lbs. more.  It’s quite disconcerting.

This afternoon I put on some white shorts (which is completely appropriate to wear in Greece as we do not celebrate Labor Day), and I noticed parts of my body clumsily extruding from the top of my shorts.  It was an extreme muffin top.  It was actually a couple of levels worse than a muffin top.  I basically looked like an overstuffed sausage.

An exact replica of my current self.

Next post will talk about how I sewed my mouth shut.