Tag Archives: Fitness

New Year’s Resolutions.

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New Year’s resolutions have never really been my thing.  This blog post itself is a sign of my inability to follow through with something. I was supposed to write this post yesterday; after all, how fitting would it have been to start fresh on such a cool date?  1/1/11 – the day Voula marches on to success!  But I have no excuse – stuff got in the way.  I was watching a marathon of “The Office” and was mesmerized by Dwight’s dog-like obedience to authority.  Now all I have to do is pump myself back up:  I AM AWESOME!!!!!!

Here are my New Year’s Resolutions (in no particular order):

(1) Follow-through on plans/goals/whatever.  I just have to suck it up and do it.  I’m going to chase the good feeling I get when I accomplish something; even something as simple as dusting the living room or cleaning the kitchen counters or shaving my legs.  I’m gonna chase it like it’s my next high.

(2) Re-focus on my fitness.  Yes, I know, everybody has this resolution when the new year starts. But I must do this.  After my gallbladder surgery in August I gained 20 lbs. and frankly, I don’t like looking at my ass anymore.  I need to look in the mirror and like what I see.  Also, I want to be able to bounce a quarter off said ass.

(3) Focus on my friendships.  Or, to put it more bluntly, be a better friend.  I have issues with keeping in touch with people and frankly, that is pretty sad for a 31-year-old.  “No man is an island,” they say, but for me 2010 was the year I was a lonely little island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, lost in my own head and forgetting my problems by smoking…stuff.  I need to clear my head and prioritize the people, not the lonely haze that I have unfortunately become comfortable in.

And I think I will stop my list right here to keep it manageable.  I’m taking a deep breath and starting fresh.  I’m hoping I don’t fall flat on my face and I’m hoping I come out the other end a better person.  And I hope my ass looks like a million bucks.  And it’ll look so good I won’t be able to resist giving it a sexy slap.

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Feel the burn.

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Three days ago (on a Tuesday actually, because who really starts things on Mondays?  Mondays equal failure,) I decided to get into some sort of exercise regimen – or at least something resembling exercise.  I state it as such because it’s been literally six months since I’ve exercised on a regular basis and my body — rightfully so — is rebelling against any form of movement that causes stretching, burning, or general pain.

The routine is off to a slow start and after three days of attempted fitness I realize what I really need is an oil can so I can lubricate my once flexible but now oh-so-creaky joints.

Lube me up and call me fit...

I’m starting off slow by doing 15 minute sessions of yoga in the morning before work (look Ma!  I feel refreshed and stretched!), and by power walking with my dog for an hour in the evenings, during which said workout my vocal cords are also getting a workout of their own (No, Mary Jane! No! NO! SIT! Slow down!).

Nothing beats a workout buddy...

I attempted a little kettle bell workout and it was more than adequate in getting me sore enough to feel productive with my body.  I also attempted a session on one of my mother’s most awkward impulse purchases, the Ab Circle Pro; a noisy assemblage of plastic, steel, wheels. That’s pretty much all there is to the Ab Circle Pro.  You place your knees on the cushy knee pads, grab onto the handle bars and swing your body from left to right and vice versa – kind of like a pendulum.  Oh the swinging fun those abs are having!

Also known as a modern torture machine.

I call it the Circle of Burned Vision, because once you see your mother attempt to do the inner thigh exercise on this piece of “machinery”, well, there’s no going back to the person you used to be.  Picture your mother “in position” on the machine.  Got it?  Good…good…Now, imagine she’s spreading her legs wide apart as if each knee is trying to reach its corresponding handlebar.  And you’re watching this from the back.  Don’t turn away!  Be strong.  You can survive this.  So yeah, I think the Ab Circle Pro has earned that nickname, fair and square.

I’m going to stay optimistic that this little bit of exercise that I do every day will help me regain my strength and muscle tone, and hopefully I’ll look better in a bikini come next summer.  My ultimate goal is to be able get through five breaths of this yoga position:

What has two thumbs and is muy loco for wanting to master this? Me!

Right now I can’t even get my toes off the ground.  But damn it, I will get there. I can do it! I will do it!  Who wants to hold me accountable?